pure torture

How can you let an individual have such an effect on you that you literally feel ill? No one should have that "power" over you...yet here I am, nauseous because of someone else. Not the kind of sick in that they did something to disgust you; but just knowing they are there...not even a glance away...just somewhere....existing, carrying on regardless of what I am doing much less feeling.


I don't have an answer obviously...All I know to do is try and distract myself. I did pretty good with that today (with a 10 second lapse as the topic was mentioned) at work. If I keep busy my mind doesn't have time to stray in that direction.


What is this emotion? I am not totally sure. Feels like insanity. All I know is I don't care for it one bit. Sounds totally nut-so. What will make this go away? Just time I suppose.


Mustn't cry. People will see...then I'd have to explain why and they'd be disappointed that I have still allowed myself to be distressed because of someone they believe to be unworthy (only because they hurt me) and I can't do that again.


I don't know the point of typing this. Maybe its therapeutic....we'll see. Don't feel any better yet.