worthless sleep

Here it is, almost 3 am...I have my days and nights mixed up again. I can't sleep until I'm absolutely exhausted and then if I'm lucky I pass out.

Even then, the quality of my sleep is horrid. I have nightmares. I thrash my head back and forth resulting in the worst possible "rat's nest" ( as my mom called it when I was little) on the back of my head...yes- makes for a wonderful vision along with my scowl and puffy eyes when I finally force myself outta bed and into the bathroom equipped with the largest friggin' mirror possible....

With the nightmares come night sweats. If I have a nightmare then chances are I wake up drenched in sweat. Oh, almost forgot the best part. I moan and yell in my sleep! This report came from my family after several occasions of nodding off on the coach and recently in the chair whilst getting a mani-pedi. Can you say EMBARRASSING?!?! In front of family is one thing but in front of strangers? Needless to say they were giggling at me. The pedicure ladies that is. Good thing it was just as I nodded off and not the full out display that freaks the heck outta my mom.

I didn't believe it and wanted them to record me as proof but I always seem to wake up when they try. Probably from the snickering. I believe it now, for sure, as I have woke myself up with a load moan on a few occasions. Scary, huh?

Weird thing is...I used to be the total opposite. I could sleep through a nuclear bomb going off. When I was a kid and I fell asleep in our living room, my dad would carry me up the stairs and put me into my bed without me ever knowing it. I once slept through our house alarm going off. I always thought it was so strange that people could have insomnia or trouble sleeping. I mean, it is something everyone does and needs to function and it isn't anything you need to learn or practice to do. You just do it.

Now I am one of those people. I truly believe this is one (of several) major factor of why I am so bloody tired all the time. More trouble is I can be sooo tired and cannot for the life of me fall asleep. Many a time I have had to get up for work,etc and I didn't grab a wink of sleep.

That then leads to absolute exhaustion.

Bottom line is I don't sleep well at all. When I finally do it's because I'm soooo spent and I literally pass out. <sighs>